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Supporting Obama, "Yes we can!"

A Column by the Editor
web posted November 10, 2008
COLUMN – Now that “spread the wealth around” Barack Obama has won the Presidency our local governments and companies should institute President-elect Obama’s policies starting now. The people have spoken and it is time we all get together and support our new president and his wonderful campaign promises. Yes, let’s institute “Change”, Obama style. 

Everyone should make the same amount of money regardless of how hard or long you work, if you work at all. All Edgefield County government bodies, municipalities, and businesses would have to work under the newly created department of the Office of Society’s Homeland Economic Equalization Transition, or OSHEET, to assure that everyone is sharing the wealth equally.

As such, all those who work for a living will have their wages combined into a single account each week. Once those wages are collected it will be equally redistributed by OSHEET to all workers, and those who do not work, each week if the form of a “tax cut for the middle class”.

This will no doubt encourage those who have not worked for decades and have been unfairly subjected to the affects of government handouts such as welfare, disability, and food stamps, otherwise known as “the man”, to share in the fruits of the labors of the working class, otherwise known as “the evil rich”, and enter the workforce to do “their fair share”.

Utopia awaits us. I can’t wait.

Just as President-elect Obama said before his election, voters would stand in the voter’s booth and a great light would shine upon them and would realize they had to vote for him. I too have had an the gift of understanding bestowed upon me with his election.

And I am pumped. “Yes we can”, is my new life slogan.

No more shall the downtrodden be overlooked. It is time we overcome, rise up, and “share the wealth”.

But my eyes have not just been opened, they are now wide open, and I see the wonderfulness that is Barack Obama. Wealth does not just come from working hard in the workplace, it goes far beyond, and it reaches all aspects of our lives. “Yes we can!”

We can spread this wonderful way of thinking to all things in our lives. Sports, academics, college entrance exams, and job employment. “Yes we can!”

No more will there be a winner in any sporting event. All points scored by each team will be collected on a single scoreboard and at the end of the game both teams will end the game in a tie. If your team scores 48 points and the opposing team scores 0, they will tie at the end with a score of 24-24. Glory be, why hasn’t anyone thought of this wonderful system before? “Yes we can!”

Grades in our schools should reflect our collective and unbridled support of our new President. All test grades of students in school will be reported and then equally redistributed to all students regardless of how well or how poor they do on tests. There will no longer be a Valedictorian, everyone will be Valedictorian and each will get to give a speech. “Yes we can!”

The SAT and ACT will be conducted in like manner. All students, whether they take the test or not, will have the same collective score presented to them so they can enter college as an equal, after all it is “only fair”. “Yes we can!”

Applying for a job as a branch manager of a bank and you have 25-years experience? Not fair! Billy-Bob has never worked a day in his life and he should not be discriminated against because he only knows how to catch catfish and skin a skunk. So, you will both have 12.5 years of experience redistributed equally, and Billy-Bob, because he has been “disenfranchised” in the past, should get the job. “Yes we can!”

Insurance companies will also no doubt follow suit. Don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t do drugs, and don’t engage in homosexual activities in bathhouses in San Francisco? Who cares? You will pay the same in “universal healthcare” as anyone who does. “Yes we can!”

The same goes for car insurance. Never had a wreck, speeding ticket, or any other infraction? What makes you so special? Doing your “fair share” means paying the same as the guy with 18 DUI’s. “Change We Believe In – Yes we can!”

Change is inevitable – Progress is not.

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