Local Radar

A Column by the Editor

"Express Bake" potatoes
web posted December 30, 2005

COLUMN – There are some things that just never cease to amaze me. One in particular is the gullibility of some shoppers in regard to packaging. “New and improved” usually means the container, not the product, but people will pay more just to have the latest thing. However, just when I think I have seen it all, my loving wife brought home one I just would have never imagined, “Express Bake” (microwavable) russet potatoes individually wrapped in plastic complete with microwave cooking instructions.

Why, you pop these “express bake” potatoes in the microwave for 7 to 8 minutes (time may vary) and in no time you have a baked potato. Of course, you have to unwrap the potato before eating, and the warning is printed in big red letters. “Warning, potato will be hot after cooking.” 

After a little bit of good natured fun by myself and the children my wife exclaimed, “they cook faster because they are wrapped.” Never mind they cost twice as much as a “regular” potato, this new invention was no doubt going to change the way Americans cook baked potatoes.

When we got ready to prepare our food we discovered she had purchased only five potatoes and we had six for dinner. Luckily we had some “regular” (slow cooking) potatoes in the pantry so we just popped one in the microwave with the “Express Bake” potatoes. Just 15 minutes later we had to remove the “regular” potato from the microwave because it was already done, the “Express Bake” potatoes still needed several more minutes of cooking time.

So much for truth in labeling.

During our meal I had a brilliant idea on how to get rich with the next greatest invention, dehydrated water. Just think; a small package of “dehydrated water” emptied into any container and mixing an equal amount of water and stirring will give you gallons upon gallons of fresh water to drink. I think $5.95 a package would be a suitable price. It will have to include the standard warning label that says, “Contents may be hot after boiling.”

Speaking of warning labels, I think warning labels should be removed from products. If you try to blow dry your hair while standing in the shower with the water running you deserve to be electrocuted. Lighting a match to see how much gas is in the gas can is another act deserving of the outcome. But no, in America we have to protect the geniuses from themselves so they can reproduce and provide us with equally brilliant offspring deserving of our protection.

I would write more but the light bulb just went out. I need to climb up a ladder and stick my finger in the socket to see if it is the wiring or the bulb that is bad.
 

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