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Let’s Talk the Rats Out of the House

By Carl Langley
web posted March 26, 2009
GUEST COLUMN – Let us take up this morning what may become one of the burning issues of our time. In brief, do chickens have the right to bring a class action lawsuit against the Kentucky Fried Chicken chain? Can pigs sue the snouts off of those so brazen as to cook barbecue?

In Chicago lawyer Cass Sunstein’s world that question is not out of the question, if you are to believe a lengthy piece on Sunstein that was published in the most recent issue of America’s 1st Freedom magazine.

Sunstein, whose outbursts imply that he may been left out in the sun too long, is a fierce advocate of animal rights, and now he may be in a position to enhance the advancement of his beliefs.

Sunstein, a University of Chicago Law school professor, has been appointed by President Obama to head up the White House Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs. It is a clearinghouse or gateway for national legislation, and, as the magazine puts it, that includes gun licensing measures.

Sunstein’s Chicago ties apparently led to his appointment, and we all know about Chicago politics and the magnetic hold they exert on Obama.

According to 1st Freedom, Sunstein has uttered some bizarre statements and at the top of the heap is his proclamation that animals have legal rights. He believes they should be provided lawyers to sue those who would and do abuse them. I would imagine exemptions will be made for Chicago political bosses caught dipping into the till..

In an effort to warn us, 1st Freedom cites a speech Sunstein made a couple of years back at Harvard University (a rather suitable setting) in which he called for an outright ban on hunting. “That should be the law, and it‘s time now,” he is said to have declared.

1st Freedom, a magazine serving gun collectors, gun owners, hunters and sports shooters, said Sunstein told the Harvard gathering that “any animals that are entitled to bring suit would be represented by human counsel who would not only serve as legal advocates but guardians of their furred and feathered clients.

I thought lawyers had found everything that can be sued, but apparently I am mistaken. Ticking off by the numbers the potential clients, Sunstein finds a fertile field of litigants. He said livestock and wild animals, greyhounds used in racing, rabbits used in cosmetic tests, mules used to pull wagons for hayrides and flocks and herds of others should have legal rights.

The professor, who noted that current use and abuse of animals is akin to “human slavery,” didn’t spare anyone, even including those cold-hearted people prone to set traps for mice and rats who have sneaked into households, stores or granaries.

“People should try to expel rats in a way that does not harm them at all,” Sunstein told his rapt audience, many of whom I suspect suffer from rapid eye movement or knee jerk reaction to such simple matters as attempting to order from a restaurant menu.

I suggest that Sunstein‘s remark about rodent relocation is certain to get the Harvard whizzes to working at ways to oust mice and rats, meaning many are likely to call for “meaningful dialogue” with the creatures. Meaningful dialogue, I remind, are Harvard spin words, loosely translated into “I give up,” or “I surrender.”

Before closing his momentous remarks, Sunstein suggested that those selling everything from fried chicken and hamburgers to supermarket meats of every description be forced to display a picture of the doomed animals on the packages.

I wonder how you display a picture of an oyster on a pint container?

National Rifle Association President Wayne LaPierre said while most folks will be bent double laughing at these suggestions, “it is no joke.” LaPierre said that as the White House regulatory czar Sunstein will have a say in all laws dealing with the sale and resale of firearms and hunting licenses. This includes, of course, the thousands of regulations bureaucrats insert in legislation that House and Senate members never read before they are voted into law.

Now that I have told you about this lunacy it’s time for me to get into the kitchen and begin preparations for my evening dinner. I have come up with a couple of hot new recipes for escargot flambeau and canard l’orange and can‘t wait to try them out.

For those of you untutored in international cuisine, that’s braised snails and duck with orange sauce. They are long time favorites of mine and go well with marinated collards, cabbage on the half shell and a cornbread, okra and peas pudding that has been in my family for more than 100 years.

God bless America!


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