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Quoting reality

Carl Langley

EdgefieldDaily.com Guest Columnist
 web posted December 26, 2006

For many years I have made a habit of jotting down some of the more memorable quotes heard during the past year, and now I share with your readers some of them with accompanying commentary.

Here goes:

“We done smoked it.” - A college football player’s comment to a police officer who stopped a weaving car and inquired of the driver and passengers the hiding place of the marijuana he smelled. The player who spoke up may not be eligible for an advanced studies scholarship in his college’s English Department.

“I am going to break every bone in his body, including his liver.” - A prediction made by a professional wrestler in the usual pre-match hype seen on television in which wrestlers vow ill treatment of their opponents. We can only surmise that this wrestler never will be confused with an orthopedic surgeon.

“My cell phone connection was breaking up.” - A young woman explaining what caused her to lose control of her SUV, run off the road, flatten two street signs and blow out two tires. The phone began working after a police officer handed her a citation for reckless driving and her first call was to her mother for a ride home.

“This bank can only be robbed on Wednesday. This is Tuesday and the bank across the street is robbed on Tuesdays.” - A bank teller’s quick-thinking response to a would-be robber, who took her advice, went across the street to rob the bank and ended up in police custody.

“What is that?” - A young grocery store clerk asking a customer about the bag of white grapes he placed on the counter. It must be assumed she is not an expert in horticulture and agriculture, nor does she have any association with fruits and vegetables.

“It was an oversight on my part.” - Former Clinton administration national security adviser Sandy Berger, after being caught smuggling classified documents out of a government archives room. A logical person would conclude that the oversight included his regrets for getting caught.

“My opponent claims I am trying to make a fool of him, but why should I help? He is doing a good job on his own.” - A candidate for a state office who did a great job with words but failed to convince enough voters to avoid being defeated by a landslide vote.

“I don’t know the answer to that one either!” - The written response to a question on a history test that led to a student getting a failing grade. The student copied the answers given by a far brighter fellow until the bright guy responded to one question by writing, “I don’t have an answer.” The dummy then wrote, “I don’t have an answer either.“

Have a good year!


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